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This article, Daemon's Tankard, was written by Dragonofelder. Please do not edit this article without their explicit permission.
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This article, Daemon's Tankard, was written by Dragonofelder. It may be linked to any page without asking for the author's permission.
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"Peering out the porthole I saw our destination. Hanging against a backdrop of chaotic colour was a massive structure, many times bigger than our own vessel. Hundreds of ship flew around it like moths flocking to a lumen globe. Huge windows gave off a twisting light, showing the cursed sigils and marks that adorned the hull. It was a slice of Hell, and I had not even entered yet."
—Extract from "Diaries Of A Heretic" by Anonymous

Lurking on the edges of the Eye of Terror, the Star Fort Daemon's Tankard has long served as neutral ground, a meeting point for heretics and traitors, and one of the last ports of call before the return the Materium. Re-fitted to serve as the largest bar/pub in the galaxy, the Tankard serves anyone as long as they can pay, and they don't kill the other patrons.

Numerous Inquisitors and Imperial authorities have argued over the existence and popularity of the Tankard. Some claim it is merely a sham, a poor attempt to show that Traitors are not complete monsters. Others argue the pub allows for a few hours of calm in a Chaotic lifestyle. The infamous Inquisitor Jacob Flux has given his own unique view; "Maybe the beer is good enough to act nice for."

History

The creation of the Daemon's Tankard is lost to time, and with all things residing in The Eye of Terror much of it's history is contradictory. According to legend Ezekyle Abaddon, First Captain of the Sons of Horus, only rested from his shattered Legion's escape of Terra when he had one of bar's tankards in his hand. Other stories say the Star Fort was stolen from Imperial hands during an early Black Crusade, then given to the mysterious "Owner" as part of a debt payment.

Events

On occasion the Tankard will host events the patrons can take part in. Due to the nature of time in the Warp, the events are held when one has not happened for a while and the bar has a good stock of drinks.

  • Annual Drinking Championship - Last one standing wins. Contestants vote on what beer will be used, with Fenrisian Ale being the favourite. The winner receives a full barrel of rare alcohol, and their name is written onto one of the Golden Tankards.
  • Skull Bobbing - Adapted from a ancient party game, contestants plunge their heads into barrels of strong alcohol and attempt to pull out daemon's skull with their teeth, while avoiding rotten fruit and (armed) grenades .
  • Raffle - Patrons buy a numbered ticket, which is then pulled out of a helm. Prizes such as barrels of alcohol, slaves, weapons and all other items can be won. As items left unclaimed in the bar are added to the raffle, anything can really be won. The largest item ever featured in the raffle was a Strike Cruiser.

Rules

Written in the congealed blood of daemons above the main bar, the rules of the Deamon's Tankard are expected to be followed by all, from slave to Daemon Primarch. Any who break them are either thrown out the airlock or broken themselves.

  1. No Killing, Wounding or Assaulting - This includes stabbing, poisoning, beheading, maiming, bludgeoning, cutting, psychic attacks, molecular disruption, banishing, mental control, poisoning, exploding, using attack "pets", suffocation, crushing, cursing, "blessing", mutating, boring to death, causing death by laughing/exhaustion, corruption of body/soul/mind, and all else, on both patrons and staff. "Accidents" will be judged by Barkeep.
  2. No Aggravation - Attempts to create conflict will be harshly dealt with. Both physically, verbally, or mentally.
  3. No Conversions - Attempting to convert fellow patrons to your god(s) is prohibited. This means you Word Bearers.
  4. Right to Solitude - If a fellow patron wants to be left alone, you will leave them alone or face the Bouncers. This means you Emperor's Children.
  5. Summoning Prohibited - No Daemons are to be summoned. Bound Daemons may have to be banished or left outside. Summoning allowed inside Dark Chapels with Bouncer present.
  6. No Loyalists or Xenos - No unbounded Loyalists under any circumstance, although they may be taken directly to a quadrant or Dark Chapel. Rogue Traders and Inquisitors are an exception as long as they follow the rules. Sentient xenos of any kind must be vetted.
  7. "Worship" Prohibited - Acts of "worship" for any god must be kept inside the assigned quadrant/Dark Chapel.
  8. No Stealing - Thieves will have a hand/appendage end removed. Unclaimed items will be put in the raffle.
  9. Pay Upfront - Pay for our services as you receive them, not later. You might die, and dying with a debt unpaid to The Owner is not pleasant.
  10. Be Respectful - Although all patrons are equal in the eyes of the Tankard, some are due more respect than others. Patrons are expected to stand (if possible), be silent and salute any important figures, including Primarchs, Daemon Princes, Greater Daemons, Warmasters, Chaos Lords, and others of note.
  11. Do Not Speak of The Lost Legions - If you know of them, you know why.
  12. Bad Mouth The Cooking - Oliva will flay you, mind and body, before serving you up. So don't.
  13. The Owner - Asking to meet The Owner will be met with a solid refusal. Threats or bribery will get you nowhere, as none of the staff knows where he lives. Should you be called to meet with The Owner, good luck, and pay your tab before you go.
  14. Assaulting the Tankard - Attempts to attack the Tankard, or take it over, will be meet with firm resistance. In such a case, actual patrons will be invited to fight on the Tankard's behalf, with free drinks in the offering. Those guilty of this offence will, if still alive, be banned for life under threat of having your soul torn apart.
  15. Mortal Staff - Yes, we have normal human staff on-board. No, you may not "borrow" one, unless they agree to it. They are all subject to the rules.

Menu

The Daemon's Tankard serves numerous examples of food and drink, sourced from the Imperium and other more exotic places. Brought to the Star Fort by heavily defended supply vessels, or through sorcerous means.

(Feel free to add your own)

Alcoholic Drinks

  • Amasec - A popular alcoholic drink distilled from wine. It can range from lesser brews barely fit for use as firebombs to well-aged and flavourful brands suitable for only the finest of the Corpse-Emperor's servants.
  • Gleece - Gleece is an expensive alcoholic beverage that can be served both hot and cold. It is distilled from the fruits of the Gleece-tree.
  • Fenrisian Ale (Mjød) - Made on the Death World of Fenris, this heavily alcoholic drink is deigned to bypass an Astartes' enhanced liver system. Knowing that the Space Wolves would be enraged by Traitors drinking their precious ale makes it better.
  • Gorsk White Gyn - Originating from the Fenksworld hive of Magnagorsk and distilled from modified engine coolant (hence its name), this caustic, ice-cloudy spirit is an extremely powerful brew and favoured by those with a taste for something with a bigger kick than even triple-stilled Amasec can provide.
  • Spirit Tonic - Originating from the planet of Munsk in the Josian Reach, Spirit Tonic is an alcoholic brew produced mainly on the northern continent. Its ingredients are not widely known; there are rumours the corpses of the small rodents dominating that area of the planet may be the primary ingredient, however, such whispers have yet to be proven.
  • Theosophist's Philtre - The Theosophist's Philtre is a heady, thick liquor of the planet Archaos, forbidden by ancient law upon that world. It is said to give a drinker depth and clarity of thought. A favourite among Thousand Sons sorcerers.
  • Wild Snake - Wild Snake is a rare and potent liquor brewed out in the badzones in the underhive of the Hive Worldof Necromunda, where it commands a price to match.
  • Wine of Quaddis - The Garden World of Quaddis is considered by most to be nothing more than a myth, or perhaps a place that once did exist but is now long gone to dust. Regardless, the wines produced by its viticulture are valued above all others and almost preternaturally potent. Three such wines are listed here: the first, the Sorrowful Vintage, is widely regarded as a pale imitation of the real thing (but still highly desirable), the second, the Golden Tokay, is perhaps the most accessible "true" Quaddis wine, while the last, the Kataline Malmsey, is the stuff dreams are made of -- hugely valuable and, legend holds, capable of killing an over-indulgent drinker with pure pleasure. Emperor's Children drink it by the pint.

Non-Alcoholic Drinks

  • Styger Milk - The Styger is a beast of burden found on Fervious. Shortly after a Styger gives birth to a whelp, it produces a viscous fluid on which its young feeds. So thick is this vile substance that when a human consumes it, the milk coats the throat, windpipe and stomach for up to a day after being ingested.
  • Recaf- A popular hot beverage, made from crushed and brewed leaves. The composition can vary from planet to planet, but most blends have a stimulant such as caffeine as a basic release agent.
  • Blood Mix - Exactly what it sounds like. Served with a miniature umbrella and ice cubes.

Snacks

  • Amino-Porridg
  • Birri Truffles
  • Caba Nuts
  • Fruits
  • Gantha-Root Rollup
  • Nafar Biscuits
  • Pastries
  • Soylens Viridians - A bland but otherwise filling and somewhat nutritious vat-grown foodstuff. It is also known as "Corpse-Starch" as it is said to be made from human corpses, mixed with random dead animals, plants, and other sources of dead biomatter.
  • Triglyceride Gel
  • Deep Fired Eldar Ears
  • Eyeballs - From various species, ranging from grox to humans, tau to orks.
  • Finger Sausages

Full Meals

  • Raw Squig - As severed by the Gretchin chiefs of Avalon IV.
  • Grox Steaks
  • Belly-Churn - Popular with nomadic peoples, the belly-churn is an animal stomach filled with milk, sewn shut and then flung over the side of a riding beast to slowly curdle.
  • Tyranid Stew
  • Ork Burgers
  • Whole Space Marine Buffet - The speciality dish of Chief Oliva, perfected on loyalist Astartes during the heresy. The current "meat" source is captured loyalists, or patrons who break the rules.
  • Battered Cod - Subdued using Thunder Hammers and Shock Mauls
  • Pancakes

Currency

The Tankard takes numerous currencies, from the standard Imperial Throne to Ork Teeth. Much work has been put into the conversion of currencies, and in-fact the Tankard is known as one of the only places you can reliability exchange currency.

Location

Marking the Tankard on any kind of map is almost impossible. It is suspected it physically exists close to the edge of The Eye of Terror, near to the Cadian Gate. However due to the Star Fort's unique enchantments, it will appear when ever prospective patrons within The Eye seek it out. Instead of going to the Daemon's Tankard, the Daemon's Tankard comes to them.

Loyalists seeking the Tankard, either overconfident Imperial Navy fleets attempting to raid it or Inquisitors hoping to scout it become lost, drawn further into the Eye. Those that do manage to find the Star Fort are immediately set upon by it's weapons and by the ships of it's patrons, defending their drinking spot.

Layout

Rebuilt according to the design of The Owner, the inside of the Star Fort bares little resemblance to it's Imperial counterparts. There are five major areas; one for each of the Dark Gods and the bar. Various corridors and smaller rooms tunnel through the structure, many of which are off-limits to the patrons.

The Bar

The main room of the Tankard, a multi floored area able to house a two hundred space marines and holding enough alcohol to get them all drunk. A long warp-stone bar covers one wall, while on the opposite side of the room a servitor band plays a haunting, but soothing melody. Seating arrangements include numerous tables and private booths, along with the customary high stools along the bar. Behind the bar are numerous bottles, filled with exotic ingredients from every corner of reality and beyond. The bar and the rest of the room is also decorated in various trophies, such as skulls and relic weapons, or even more sentimental items, like pic-captures of the the Annual Drinking Championship and a stasis held tankard apparently used by the Primarch Mortarion.

Quadrants

On a normal Star Fort, the separate quadrants act as separate systems, and a similar system is in place on the Daemon's Tankard. Each of the cavernous rooms are given up to the worship of a Major god of Chaos. These rooms are both soundproofed and magically sealed to stop the spread of corruption, and to not distract other patrons from their drinking. The usual rules of the Tankard do not have to followed in these rooms, although certain activities are frowned upon.

  • Khorne - Little more than a bloody battle pit, the various worshippers of the Blood God test their mettle against each other or strange creatures, both xeno and demonic. A massive pile of skulls fills the centre of the room, offerings to the Skull Throne.
  • Slaanesh - The smells of sweat and incense are heavy in the quadrant dedicated to the youngest god. Numerous smaller areas are curtained off with silk, hiding scenes of indulgence and slaughter. It is not a good idea for an outside to enter, least they be scared mentally forever.
  • Tzeentch - Like the God of Change himself, this quadrant constantly shifts; sometimes it is a great library, stretching to an impossible distance; or it is a crystal forest, it's plants reflecting light from unknown sources. Followers of Tzeentch come here to plot and plan, away from the distractions of the bar but close enough to fetch a glass of Theosophist's Philtre.
  • Nurgle - The most heavily sealed area of the Tankard, the Plague Father's glory is shown in decaying trees that die than grow again in a endless cycle. The room is more akin to a indoor swamp, with murky water covering the floor and poisonous clouds collecting at the ceiling.

Dark Chapels

Various small chapels dot the Tankard, more private areas than the quadrants or dedicated to minor gods. Daemon summoning is allowed in these rooms, as long as a Bouncer is present and the Barkeep has been informed.

Docking Pier

Large enough to allow a Strike Cruiser to dock, the four docking piers have become informal trade areas. Bar rules are still in-place here, and Bouncers are always on guard for trouble makers. Unlike other areas teleportation, both mechanical and sorcerous, is possible on the piers.

Kitchens & Storerooms

It takes a small army of cooks to feed the Tankard's patrons, watched over by High Chief Oliva. The kitchens are kept meretriciously clean, as Oliva holds high standards. The various freezers and storerooms holding the food and drink are accessible from the kitchen, although some are kept under lock and key. The kitchens also back onto the Khorne quarter, as some of the creatures slaughtered there can be used in various meals and drinks.

Server's Rooms

The mortal servers sleep and eat in their own areas, which while not being comfortable are much better than could be expected. There are even shower and toilet facilities.

Crew/Staff

The Owner

No one knows who, or what, The Owner is. Some believe he is a Greater Demon of Slaanesh, a Minor God of Alcoholics and Pub-goers. Others think he is a disgraced Legionary, hiding from his former allies in possibly one of the safest places in the galaxy. Working from his secret office deep within the Tankard, The Owner manages the supplies and finances, watching though the Bouncers.

Barkeep Jerry

Once a Legionary of the Sons of Horus, Jerry hung up his bolter and chainsword after the Siege of Terra for "retirement." He has staffed the Tankard's bar for millennia, and knows each of it's patron's personally. Jerry has developed numerous cocktails in the bar, such his signature Ultramarine Blazer.

High Chief Oliva

A Emperors Children of some renown, Oliva's overdeveloped taste buds and culinary skills have made him one of the best chiefs in the galaxy, able to produce a hearty meal from grox dung. His standards are very high however, and numerous mortal cooking staff have been reduced to tears by his angry rants.

Bouncers

Minor Daemons bound within suits of ancient power armour, these silent monoliths act as the Tankard's muscle, capable of defeating even the drunkest troublemaker. Following rules of logic branded into their minds, they will go to any length to achieve their tasks. Usually found patrolling the bar or docking piers, the Bouncers do not feel pain, sadness, anger or remorse, but they are dahm sure you will pay before you leave.

Notable Bouncers

  • Captain Bullhollow - One of the few Bouncers to have a name, and the only to hold any rank, Bullhollow once witnessed a Thousand Sons Sorcerer leave the bar without paying. Following his inbuilt commands the Bouncer followed him to the docking piers, only to see the Sorcerer teleport away before he could apprehend him. Usually, a Bouncer would log the offender in their shared mind, but for some reason Bullhollow decided to follow the Sorcerer; by jumping off the Docking Pier into the warp. Falling through the Immaterium for (at least in real-space) seven months Bullhollow finally appeared above a Hive World the Sorcerer's warband was attacking. Crashing behind Imperial lines the Bouncer marched past bewildered Guardsmen and Loyalist marines, then past oblivious Rubric Marines. Finally finding the Sorcerer Bullhollow wasted no time in smashing him into unconsciousness, before activating his recall runes. He appeared back at the bar, recited the Sorcerer's offences including exactly the amount he needed to pay, then strode off to continue his duties. For going above and beyond to complete his duty, the Bouncer was given an official name and "promoted" to Captain in a grand ceremony.
  • Tanker - Occasionally a patron will be capable of overpowering the Bouncers, and in these cases Tanker will be awoken. A Daemon bound within Dreadnought armour, Tanker's Power Fist and Thunder Hammer, combined with his unending dedication to the rules, is usually enough to defeat even the most determined troublemaker. Unfortunately, due to his strength, Tanker has killed many patrons before they could pay for the damages they caused.

Servers

Working at the Tankard has numerous benefits for mortals; they survive longer than they would working for a warband, being fed and having practical sleep times. They are theoretically protected body and soul, but their mind might suffer from what they see. They are also under-threat if they wander where they should not, although there will retribution for their deaths. Servers are almost fanatically loyal to the Daemon's Tankard, being able to see daily what their fate could have been if they served anyone else.

Notable Servers

  • Bloody Mary - The only server brave enough, or stupid enough, to serve in the Khorne quarter. She gained the moniker "Bloody" after breaking a Berserker's nose. She broke her hand, but the point stands.
  • Gin & Tonic - A pair of inseparable twins. They usually carry a single tray between them.
  • Mc'Guin Ness - A tough old Guardsman who acts as Jerry's second at the bar. Has a strange accent. Scared of nothing and nobody.
  • Rotgut Gillian - A shifty server who may nor may not be an Alpha Legion agent. Knows about everything that happens in the Tankard, and will tell you for some extra coin.

Relics

The Tankard has numerous relics associated with it, both mundane and otherworldly.

  • Golden Tankards - Forged out of pure gold then strengthened by sorcerous means, these vessels are reserved for Primarchs, Daemon Princes and Greater Daemons, should any visit the bar. They are inscribed with the winners of the Annual Drinking Championship.
  • Book of Infinite Darkness (Darran) - Written long ago by a mighty sorcerer of a now dead race, this book is one of the greatest books of magic ever made. It is also unfortunately one of the few examples of sentient books, and Darran, the name taken by the book, refuses to allow any to read his pages. Having taken sanctuary inside the Daemon's Tankard, Darren spends his time drinking paper puree and yelling at people.
  • Lightning Maul - Essentially an oversized Shock Maul. Welded by Jerry when he needs to defend his stock of drinks at the bar.
  • Tankard of Undeath - Although the details of the Primarch Mortarion's visit to the bar are unknown, the tankard he used has since been consumed by rust, and yet still holds its form. It is currently held in a stasis field on a wall in the bar, although on certain occasions it is moved to the Nurgle quadrant.

Capabilities

Combat

Although retrofitted to be a bar, the Daemon's Tankard is still a Star Fort, and is armed as such. Macro Weapons and Torpedo Launchers that cover every side of the structure allow for 360 degrees unblocked fire. More arcane weapons send screaming bolts of pure warp energy towards the attacking ships, sending their systems into disarray and mutating their crew. Runes and sigils carved into the Tankard's thick armour fortify the Void Shield Generators, allowing them to block even the strongest fire power, and also to halt incoming assault vessels and teleportation.

Movement

Star Forts lack any kind of propulsion system, and are usually manoeuvred with tugs, even through the warp. Inside the Eye of Terror, the Tankard has no such limitations, complex sorcery allowing it to appear in the path of any who seek it out. Previously the Star Fort only ever appeared in the Eye, and seemed bound to it. With the opening of the Great Rift, it has a much wide area to roam.

Notable Patrons

(Feel free to add your own)

Vritra the Howler

Infamous Slaaneshi, mercenary and charming psychopath, Vritra the Howler and the Screaming Rapture Noise Marines often frequent the Tankard. Despite the less than pleasant reputation of the Third Legion, Vritra permits none of his servants to break the rules of the Tavern, partially because it's one of the few civilized places The Flayed Lady can dock and restock. Like any vain champion of the Pleasure God, Vritra is the life of the party in the Slaaneshi quarter, and often strives to bring the party outside, skirting though never actually breaking the rules. On rare occasions, the Screaming Rapture puts on live performances of raw, Chemosi power-metal, performances that even their most hated enemies are welcome to attend safely.

Quotes

About

(Feel free to add your own)

"We would not call ourselves.....restrained patrons by any standard, but there's one rule even the vilest of the vile stand by. Do not [REDACTED] with the Tankard."
Vritra the Howler
"I will refrain from voicing my opinions about the facility or patronage, save this. Don't use the restroom."
Alpharius the Stranger
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