Board Thread:Critique and Advice/@comment-3053446-20170618005554/@comment-2253300-20170618035320

Not sure what to think of it. For one it seemed a little too tied to the Lacrymoles. I get that they are cool and all, but if you want to have this taken seriously I would remove the references of them. Also what's this Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars business. I am pretty sure that it's NCF for a fanon author to hijack a major canon area like that. That along with a few other references like the Ghoul Stars having a Lord Admiral is questionable since it isn't an imperial domain. Overall I didn't come away with a good impression. I can't tell whether they are overpowered, or unrealistically easy to deal with based on the description of how the Imperium interacted with them. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it kind of struck me as needing a lot of improvement.

As for names how about the Tarasa Empire. I came up with the name Tarasa from Tabula Rasa, or "Blank Slate".