Douchard Bagge/Quotes

Are your ears burning? The Galaxy's least reverent Rogue Trader is probably talking about you right now.

A
"Amerikons? They'll be wanting more of those Rascal Pattern individual transport modules. And insulin."

- Douchard Bagge is happy to outfit the 54th Amerikon Regiment.

B
"Wow, the look in your eyes...It must burn your ass to take orders from mere mortal like myself, all cozy in the embrace of the Imperium despite any number of things I may have, allegedly done that make your crimes pale in comparison. That's alright, we don't have to like each other personally so long as our professional relationship isn't compromised. Speaking of our professional relationship, I'd like prospective buyers to see the utility of this bitchin' 'sword-launching gun' design we found, so here's what you're gonna do..."

- Douchard Bagge communicating with Ignatius Earn of the Brutalizers.

C
"These patriots, these HEROES are replacing the SCUM of this galaxy with piles of molten lead and ashen craters, and I intend to make certain they've got what they need to keep blasting and shelling until the heat death of the universe! For a modest surcharge."

- Douchard Bagge regarding Crusher's Own.

G
"Oh well done, really. You're not trying too hard, not at all. Seriously though, this. This is why Chaos will ultimately lose. Because it's just a sad cry for attention. 'Da Empawuh didna wub us enuff, Ima wock myself in my woom and cut my ahms wiff a wazuh bwade.'"

- Douchard Bagge regarding the Gore Legion.

I
"Pack of skinflint bores, they never want any of the more exotic death-dealers I have on offer. Well fine, I'm sure there's other parties interested in these bowel liquefying sonic cannons and the typhoid grenades."

- Douchard Bagge finds outfitting the Iron Angels to be boring.

K
"What the hell was I saying about the Kabal of the Broken Mind? Yeah never mind those guys. Here, here it is: the laziest kabal name in the galaxy."

- Douchard Bagge regarding the Kabal of Merciless Torture.

"I'm-a let you in on a little secret: she uses a silicon aerosol to squeeze into those super-tight outfits."

- Douchard Bagge regarding Kiman Morgan.

M
"See, if I were Mallik I wouldn't have gotten captured by Dark Eldar. That was his first mistake. Pretty obvious really, I don't know why people let that happen."

- The ever insensitive Douchard Bagge has trouble pronouncing Maalik Tenin's name.

"Milk's insecurity is surpassed only by her passive-aggressiveness."

- Douchard Bagge has embraced his difficulty pronouncing Maalik Tenin's name.

"Hey what's the difference between a Champion of Khorne and a Matador? The Khorne worshipers think it's beneath the dignity of a warrior to kill noncombatants in ground combat! Heyo!"

- Douchard Bagge

"Good help is hard to find; so when you do find it, you invest in it's well being."

- Douchard Bagge regarding Mord Bösewicht von Totenkinder.

N
"I bet you thought you could catch the ol' Bagge unawares huh? Maybe you'd like to meet my special security consultants: the ever-snazzy Nemiraian Guard. You are about to get shot so hard you will shit guns."

- Douchard Bagge taunts some assassins before they're turned into greasy smears.

P
"Like many, I've never seen him and I probably never will. I mean the chances are pretty remote. It's a big galaxy, lots of stars and such. I mean when you think about it, the chances of meeting anyone at all are pretty staggering. Lots of empty space. Yup."

- Douchard Bagge is unnerved by stories of The Plague Doctor.

R
"Woah, woah, hold up. You don't want to sample those 'rations', they're bound for the Red Hands. 'Long Pig' is a taste best not acquired."

- Douchard Bagge.

"It's my fifteenth greatest fear realized: someone managed to steal one of my bowel movements and turn it into another trading dynasty."

- Douchard Bagge regarding Radriar Drazin.

"By the Emperor, did you hear her diction? Such an obvious Pavlonian torture-job. It's sad what the nouveau riche do to their children just to fit in with their betters."

- Douchard Bagge regarding Rosalie Drasus.

S
"The only thing between me and that sweet, sweet heretek loot is the Dajakkoffs elite plasma sponges."

- Douchard Bagge would like it if horrible things happened to The Shadow Guards.

"What! No, of course I've never employed the awesome force of mechanized destruction known as Sigma XI and had it destroy my enemies in majestic ways. That would be treason!"

- Douchard Bagge denies involvement with Sigma XI.

"I feel for these noble heroes. Everybody loves to hate a winner. It's chapters of marines like these that are the true tiger-force at the heart of the Imperium, and if they have to step on the toes of some jealous, mouth breathing chapters then so be it."

- Douchard Bagge admires the Solar Legion.