Douchard Bagge

"I really wish I could help you scour the Ghoul Stars on the vaguest hint of an elaborate conspiracy Inquisitor Vir, but Inquisitor Sebek already enlisted my services to investigate the pleasure world of Sybaris LXIX. You know how it goes: first come, first served."

- Douchard sidesteps a dangerous mission

Douchard Bagge is one of the most obnoxiously wealthy Rogue Traders to ply the space lanes of the galaxy. Among his better traits are his venality and snobbishness, though he is also avaricious as well; his covetousness is one of the few things that can rouse him from his lethargy. Despite his personality, he's resisted all the charms of Chaos because he considers every cultist he has ever seen to be "pants-on-head retarded", and has mistaken a number of attempts as come-ons which offend his homophobia.

The Bagge Dynasty made its incalculable fortune wringing out as much from the galaxy as their Warrant of Trade would allow, and then violating it as much as they could get away with. They've secured the existence of primitive xeno races to toil away in perpetual slavery, bombed Imperial settlements to access undiscovered or poorly exploited resources, and much more. As far as Douchard and his fellow Bagge's are concerned, everything in the galaxy either did, does, or will belong to them. Everyone else is considered to either be thieves or holding the Bagge's property in trust.

The Bagge Dynasty
The Bagges are an incredibly powerful consortium, formed when six holders of different Warrants of Trade intermarried, and then made extensive use of nepotism to get their non-Rogue Trader relatives set up with various intra-Imperial trade interests. They were able to operate without notice for sometime, and used their momentum and the snail pace of the Imperium's oversight to get other relatives in positions within the Adeptus Arbites and the navy. This set the stage for their ultimate coup; creating a false identity that has proven to be fool proof and vital to facilitating their crimes: Inquisitor Sebek of the Ordo Hereticus. Sebek is an actual Inquisitor, but his blood relation to the Bagges has been thoroughly concealed through surgery, falsified records, and other means. Sebek has been provided with all the life extension technology the Bagges can get, in order to perpetuate the ruse without having to repeat it.

D. Bagge
Douchard was born to Lord Hand and Lady Carta Bagge in their primary palace on the Bagge-homeworld of Barstar. His parent's theory of child-rearing involved giving Douchard everything he wanted other than an actual parent-child relationship, and sending him off to live with tutors for nine-tenths of the year. His handlers were instructed to beat a slave child in Douchard's presence anytime Douchard acted out or misbehaved as a method of discipline. Naturally, this healthy lifestyle led to Douchard being very well adjusted. Douchard learned the noble arts of swordplay, pistol marksmanship, and empathy suppression; along with a battery of disciplines intended to make him the ideal head of the vast Bagge Rogue Trading Dynasty. However, Douchard was one of only many Bagge-children and in order to secure his legacy (his Father's Warrant of Trade), he was compelled to assassinate or humiliate all his siblings, a feat he accomplished by the age of fifteen.

Upon reaching majority and completing his education, he was given a modest fleet (capable of performing Exterminatus in a pinch) and command of a single trade route. Applying advanced Bagge economic theories, Douchard reorganized the trade-route, enslaving every planet along the route and mercilessly plundering them for record profits. During the subsequent Inquisitorial investigation, when Douchard was questioned regarding his actions he said "Nah bro, that's doesn't sound like me."

He was able to redirect blame towards the Space Marine Chapter Sons of the Spiritual Liege, who were made to go on a penitent crusade.

Equipment
"This? Oh this is nothing; just a Sorrentino-Pattern Power Sword, I mean only two people in the galaxy have them and the other one is named Warmaster Macaroth, but it's not a thing, you know?"

- Douchard manages to namedrop while bragging about his ultra-exclusive sword, twofer!

Douchard is a capable warrior, though this is mostly due to his top-of-the line equipment (including purloined relics and outright xenotechnology), cybernetics, and combat drugs. He has hired out some of the best instructors available so he does actually know how to use every weapon in his arsenal.

Because he is so fabulously wealthy, Douchard has truly staggering military might at his disposal: fleets of ships, armored companies, well equipped troops, the works. He's not above employing xenos who are willing to barter their services, either.

Douchard is an avid collector of many things. His usual criteria for adding something to his collection is that it would either make people jealous, or get him in trouble with the authorities: Xeno antiquities, Chaos artifacts, Ecclesiastical relics, and live specimens of all sorts can be found in his secret galleries.

His most prized possession is a space hulk which required countless thousands of lives to clear and secure. It has been renovated and outfitted to serve as the Bagge Dynasty's flagship. Though it was once known in obscure Imperial records as the Purgation of Innocence it was given the concise and tasteful appelation of Invariably Victorious In All Circumstances Forever by Douchard.

Quotes
"Oh this is a great plan, you're going use your butler's shitty, undersized and obsolete fleet to lull them into a false sense of security before...what's that? Oh this IS the main fleet? Sorry, it just looks like a smaller version of the fleet I entrust to MY butler, I figured you were just punishing yours. Hey forget I said anything, I'm sure it'll be fine."

- Douchard in a joint operation to secure some Imperial interest.

"Look, that was a telepathic message sent by Astropath. I'm sure you've had...one; but I get them, all. The. Time."

- Douchard doesn't like it when people address him while he's getting messages.

Trivia

 * This Party Took a Turn for the Douche] is D. Bagge's theme song. Deal with it.