Board Thread:Critique and Advice/@comment-11526152-20161126142831/@comment-1734134-20161127011002

So the first thing I notice when I read this is that it's all very technical and very straight to the point - which in some ways is good and others not so much. Basically it's not at all compelling, but as Bill Shakersman once said "Brevity is the soul of wit" (don't waste my time). You don't waste my time.

So our first bad guy is an Ork warboss and an Ork warband. That's it. Nothing else. No names, no depth, nothing. You could replace it with virtually anything and impact would be the same. But apparently he's got a big bad doomsday weapon, that isn't given any detail or interesting elements. It's a just a thing that can destroy cities - somehow.

And we don't even know what happens in the battle. So it's completely uncompelling. It's the opposite of compelling. It's a case of "tell, don't show", but when we're talking about a tragedy, you need to show. There is no Character I am rooting for or against, because neither side has any character.

So that's my short 2 cents.